"Slippery" Ghoda

A story by Vasu which did not figure in the Madhouse but is lined up for the sequel.

It was not only in classrooms and laboratories we imbibed top quality education. IIT administration left many activities for the students to manage all on their own. For instance, the management of the hostel including the tough task of managing a mess for two hundred and fifty students was left an elected hostel council of teenaged students. Legendary Boss Patil was G Sec and he was away one particular Sunday when the mess workers were in one of their non-cooperative moods. The remaining members of the council apart from me were three Ashvins - Ashvins-Iyengar, Sanghvi and Hattangadi only known as  Fish, Ghoda and Hats respectively.

IIT had a quack lawyer. The short pot-bellied white haired, bespectacled Hegde who spoke nonstop when he was not chewing paan. To get a word in, we had to offer him paan and speak while he chewed it. So that Sunday we called Hegde to see if we could issue a memo to the defiant mess workers. We called him when he was not chewing paan. He babbled nonstop about the mess workers being rascals, that they should be taught a lesson, and the only way to teach them a lesson would be by driving down straight to IIT’s labour lawyer Karwe’s house in Dadar and seek his counsel. As it turned out, Hegde was a master fixer. It was Sunday, but he got IIT’s black ambassador sanctioned to take us to Karwe’s house as late as 10 PM. He could not get the car to pick us up from H4. We had to walk to the guest house and wait for Hegde and the car to pick us up. We watched in amusement as Hegde signed a lot of papers and wrote down odometer readings from the car and took down our names and made us sign. Penny wise IIT was wise enough to save the additional one kilometer of fuel that would have been expended in picking us up from H4.

But the equally pound foolish IIT was foolish enough to send a car to Dadar to ask a lawyer a simple question.

Hegde did have his own agenda. Y Point paan was stale, there was a good paanwalla in Dadar. The three Ashvins and I trooped into the car along with Bakul. Bakul was omnipresent and always tagged along wherever we went on hostel work. Fish needed him for his endless supply of cigarettes and we all needed him for the free entertainment that he often provided.

The driver knew the exact way to Karwe’s house in Dadar, including all the shortcuts. He knew equally well the fabled paan shop in Dadar. Clearly, the duo of driver and Hegde had been there and done that a countless times before. Karwe was fair, fat and bald and operated out of his flat. I wondered if there was something about labour law that made all labour lawyers go bald. This was the first time Hegde had brought students along with him to Karwe. Karwe wanted to know what was so serious and grim about today in particular. When Fish started narrating, Karwe cut him short and asked a simple question, “Is it a mess workers’ problem?” When we all nodded a yes, Karwe told us to sit down and motioned with his hand to Hegde to start writing down a notice he would dictate.

He said, “I keep telling IIT to break the mess workers’ heads. But they don’t listen. The British have taught us a good thing. Divide and Rule.” He stopped to check if we were impressed. There was nothing to see. He went on.

 You have two messes, right?”  We did not see the connection, but said yes, we had an A mess which was for veggies and a B mess which was for non-veggies.

“Let us give a notice to Group A mess and let us not issue a notice to Group B mess. Let us divide and rule them. When the Group A mess people protest, we can book them for indecent behaviour.” He paused to look at us and see if we were spellbound by his shrewd genius yet. Our reaction totally rattled him.

“Sir”, we said, “It is not Group A mess. It is just A mess. Likewise with B Mess.” He lost it totally by this sudden correction by teenagers.

“Don’t talk useless points”, he thundered. “Judges don’t understand A and B mess. They understand groups. You leave all this to me.” We were nonplussed again. “What judges? We are just issuing a simple notice, right? Is it heading for the courts already?” Karwe’s answer was a silent scowl and he turned to Hegde to start dictating the notice.

From amongst us, Ghoda was totally silent and sour. He was not his usual garrulous, cheerful self. He fidgeted. He had been forced on this legal excursion and had to stand up his beloved on their full moon night’s date.

So while Karwe rambled on about his mantras of the clever Brits, Ghoda, still sullen, scanned Karwe’s modest drawing room décor. On the side table, Ghoda’s eyes caught a pair of miniature handcrafted mojdis of the kind sold in Mahabaleshwar. His hands followed his eyes. The shoe was barely enough to take in Ghoda’s index finger while his forefinger prised the other shoe’s opening apart a bit. Soon Karwe’s miniature shoes were being walked by miniature legs that were Ghoda’s fingers. Lost in deep thought and oblivious to the real world of Group A and Group B messes, Ghoda’s fingers walked and danced. It was clearly a fox trot jig that his fingers were performing.

Ghoda would have been waltzing or fox-trotting with his lady love, had this blasted Hegde not had an urge to eat paan in Dadar.

Divider and ruler was in his second sentence of dictation when he paused at the sight before him. By now, the Braizilian Samba was in progress. Karwe paused, thinking his deafening silence would return Ghoda from mushland. No luck. Karwe reluctantly continued his dictation and was into barely the next sentence when he paused again. Ghoda had taken over Karwe’s drawing room wall. The shoes were walking up the wall like Ghoda climbed rocks. Halt.

Jump. Halt again and jump again. Karwe was distracted and fumbling. It was bad enough that A mess had become Group A mess but by now, it was Group Group A mess. He finished hurriedly. Ghoda returned to terra firma sheepishly when he was nudged by Hats.

Karwe’s daughter came in to serve us water and just as she was departing with an empty tray, Ghoda jumped up and followed her into the house. We were shocked. Had Ghoda realized that it was quits with his beloved and was he now hitting on Karwe Jr? Karwe, despite his weight, jumped up too.

“Hello” he barked at Ghoda, “What are you doing? Where are you going?” Ghoda held up a pinky. Livid Karwe personally escorted Ghoda to the loo and waited outside to ensure that Ghoda did not do anything he should not.

We ensured that Hegde stayed shut up with a monster paan in his mouth and we laughed all the way back. We tore up the notice which was just a bad note anyway, and continued to suffer the mess workers.

Vasu